Tag Archives: health and fitness

Before I Move On

14 Saturday Mar 2015

Posted by in Reflections

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A drop of snot should not be so powerful.

For all my doubting of my soul’s existence, there are things that just wreck my soul, if only for a moment. There I was, halfway into the journey home from a retreat, sitting in a coffee shop with my three co-workers, and I let my eyes wander, as usual. He…touched me, somehow. Sitting two tables away from us, I kept seeing him, even after looking away and returning to the discussion around me. I must have told myself to stop staring at least 10 times. Even my body shifted towards him. All because of one drop of snot, a beacon of sorts.

Was he crying? Was it just the weather? Did he not feel it? Balanced on the end of a nose perfectly at home in a face clichés do no justice. A face I hadn’t even noticed…because of that drop of snot. That’s when it hit me–I had seen him a few minutes earlier, reaching for one of the employment application forms. Seen him, but not noticed him, and suddenly I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I became aware of his restless hand motions as he filled out the application form, of the way he flipped through his tiny spiral notebook.

This complete stranger was suddenly real to me. He wasn’t just another face. He was human. Very much so. I had seen him, and I could not put him from my mind. Without even looking at me, he had collided into the place where I am most human.

“Is it weird to ask a stranger to borrow a pen?” The words were out before I could stop them, and my co-workers’ response gave me the courage to leave my seat. He gladly offered me a pen and a page from his book. Completely convinced of my official weirdo status, I wrote him a note, thanked him for his pen, and went back to our table.

A few minutes later, I was back, and he was nice enough to let me sit across from him, and we talked. Well, he did most of the talking. His name is John. Only then did I notice the state of his hands and jacket, and other tiny clues that should have alerted me. John is homeless. Still, for all that I was blind to, it was his utter humanity that spoke to me, that almost haunted me all the way home.

But, it won’t last.

Perhaps it is a consequence of our tendency to put adjectives in front of the word ‘people’, but we are such masters at missing the very thing that makes people who they are: their humanity. I do it, too. Incredibly easily. So, before I move on, I ask you to help me pray for John. More importantly (since prayer isn’t everyone’s thing), help me look for John–the John in each of us. Just a soul awaiting recognition.

I am by no means suggesting John needed to meet me. It seems I needed to meet him. He is more than a blog post. He is…strangely real. I pray for him, but I will move on. Because that’s what we do, isn’t it? We return to our lives, secure our own worlds, and express the requisite pity when the occasion calls for it. Should we enjoy whatever good there is to be found in this life? Definitely, but maybe we can take a moment to look. We just might find that place where we are all the same, and learn to live, one human with another.

We are not called by God to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love.

– Jean Vanier, founder of L’Arche, 2015 recipient of the Templeton Prize

Facing The Fat

17 Wednesday Oct 2012

Posted by in Le Shrinking

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I’ve never been skinny. Like, never. Perhaps that is why being fat has never bugged me. Or, maybe it is because I never took the time to really look into it.

Whatever the case, I spent three superb months with my sister, and spent two or so of those months attempting to get my health on track. Clearly, two months could have been nothing other than a start, but it was a start I needed. I came home roughly 17 pounds lighter. Whereas that may look small, especially relative to the over 150 pounds of excess weight I carried, the difference was obvious.

Since then, I’ve regained a few of those pounds, lost much of the muscle tone I returned home with, and slipped into a pattern dangerously close to the one I had before I left. For all my talk of not caring, I’m a bit of a paradoxical perfectionist. I’d rather do nothing, than not give something my best (very often, an unrealistic best).

Absolute. Garbage.

If I hadn’t told myself I was too busy, too tired, too insert-adjective-here to hold on to the healthy habits I’d developed, I would have been that much closer to my goal of proper health and fitness. So, maybe I wouldn’t have worked out for two hours a day, but even twenty minutes every other day or ten minutes every day would have made a difference by now. If I had chosen to take each opportunity as an individual entity, rather than summing them up, I would have made more healthy choices.

I rather doubt I’m going to get to a place where I tell myself I’m going to do this for the next year, the next six months, whatever. What I do have is one “today” after another. For today, I can take each moment and choose to be healthy. I can choose to sit around the computer or I can take a series of ten-minute breaks throughout the day…and walk, run, jump, stretch…anything.

Most things in life are like that, I think. Whether it’s staying away from someone you know is bad for you, becoming healthy, getting close to God, or just being more disciplined. Whatever your “fat” is, it doesn’t have to define you or become your prison. If we would take each moment of each today for the chance it is, we would make better choices.

No day is a waste after one bad choice (or even more). There is always hope. Always at least one person we can confess to for accountability purposes. Always grace. Always Strength that is perfect in our weakness.

Honestly, I have no plan. And that’s okay.

So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy. Romans 9:16 (NKJV)

So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. Romans 9:16 (ESV)

Of Fat and Sin

23 Monday Apr 2012

Posted by in Le Shrinking, Reflections

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Disclaimer:  This post is in no way attempting to imply that being fat is a sin. That’s a debate for those with enough time on their hands. Teehee. That said…

So, I finally left Jamaica. (I can strike that off my list.) Being here in St. Lucia with my sister is pretty cool, but there’s just one problem: there are too many mirrors in this house, man. Everywhere I went, I could see myself. Seriously? Like, how many mirrors does one house need?

Point? I finally SAW how much weight I had put on. Now, I’ve never been small by any stretch of anyone’s imagination, but this is the heaviest I’ve been in my whole life. In the words of a dear friend of mine, “You’re huge.” Being fat has never bugged me. It has been a part of my life forever, and I was never around people who made me feel worthless as a result, so I guess it was easy to…well, not notice that I was REALLY packing on the pounds, man. (No, no, now is not the time to mention my almost obsessive aversion to shrinking.)

Like, you don’t see the weight going on…well, I didn’t. I rarely ever use a mirror, because I already know what I look like, and, though I don’t have a lot of clothes, I have enough to know what they look like on me. Now, let’s not be silly, of course I knew I was putting on weight. I could also tell that my newly-acquired inactive lifestyle (chores only require so much activity and no more) was affecting me. I used to dance several hours a week, now I can’t easily climb a flight of stairs. Fitness issue much.

So, how did we arrive at the title for the blog post? Sin is pretty much the same way. Just as I knew I was putting on weight, but not to what extent, we know we’re slipping from God and we often don’t realise just how much until we’ve done something we never thought we would do. Like, it’s maybe an ounce at a time, one little misdeed at a time, but we know we’re pretty far from where He wants us. Like, I live on a hill. If I wanted to exercise, I could have. In the same way, we know we can go to God and have Him shape us into His image, but we don’t, for whatever reason. Maybe we say it’s too late, or maybe we haven’t yet allowed that moment of truth.

My moment of truth came last week. How? I bought a scale (a really hot scale, too :P). Now, I had a vague idea how much I weighed, but maybe I was secretly hoping it was less, especially since I’ve been kinda eating properly since getting here. SO, hot scale’s electric blue LCD output hit me for six.

291

Yep, you saw right, Yanique. I used to joke that I’m pushing 300, but seeing it? No fun. I’ve joined a gym at last (we’ll save that for another blog post), and I walk more, so maybe there’s hope. We’ll see. Less about the numbers, and more about getting my health and fitness back. Anyway…

I know people who would probably slash their wrists if they got to my size, yet I’m pretty certain we’re not that vigilant about sin. We’re not that vigilant about the things that are pulling us away from God, one tiny step or giant leap at a time.

It’s not easy to get back on track, but it can be done. For example, I went to a circuit training class last week… A few minutes in, I was like, “I am dead.” Like, I literally said it. My arm muscles were shot and my thighs weren’t much better, but I made it! And, I’ll be going again this week.

So, maybe the road back to God is one tiny step at a time…maybe a crawl, but go. He’s always waiting, arms open. And He’s more patient and helpful than any trainer on the planet, even that nice one who told me, “Don’t watch the numbers, just do what you can.” (Man, did I ever say Amen!) Maybe you’re wondering how you’ll ever get back to where you were, but do what you can. It’s all by God’s strength, anyway, and His grace is greater than our every weakness.

All the best on your journey (back) to God’s heart. In the words of another dear friend of mine, “Let the Spirit guide you.”