In Another’s Shoes…

15 Saturday Oct 2011

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The past week or so has been a time of deep reflection (well, in the moments I couldn’t distract myself with mindless entertainment).

I’ve realized something: my life is nowhere near as difficult as I think it is. Walking in love is hard, and I’ve been coming up with excuses to not do it…flimsy ones at that. I truly do not wish to be a nice person. I know we’re all different and we ought not to compare ourselves to others, but when I look at the things distressing me, versus the things distressing others in my life, I have to admit it: I’ve been a baby and another word beginning with ‘b’.

It’s been a crazy season for many people in my life, and I’ve been wondering how I’d respond in their situations. Yes, I know the right thing, but I also know myself well enough to face the reality that knowing the right thing is no guarantee that it’ll get done. Like, I don’t think people generally consciously decide to walk away from their principles. Sometimes, circumstance makes the wrong decision easier–the same way it often does for me.

Point? Most people are not ignorant of what the right thing is. It’s just that the right thing doesn’t always seem right to them or right for them. I think Christians have a tendency to throw Scripture at people without remembering the people themselves. I’m all for sharing God’s truth, and that won’t change. What I’ve found, though, is that sometimes people and I don’t have the same view of God. Sometimes, people feel so dirty, so ashamed, so insert-appropriate-adjective-here that they expect others and God to feel the same way. No wonder the Bible says to speak the truth in love. What’s the point of sharing God’s truth without God’s love behind it?

So, I’ve been thinking. Your shoes don’t make you blind to truth, but they might make truth less appealing. In your shoes, would I respond any differently? I’ve been given several scenarios to consider over the past couple months, and I can see what I’ve known for most of my life. I’m not different, no better than anyone else. In fact, I just may be worse.

In the words of a reformed slave ship captain:

Amazing Grace!
How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! …

‘Tis grace that brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home.

“Amazing Grace” – John Newton

Whatever truth we stand for, may we remember God’s love for all, as well as this basic truth: Christians aren’t better people; we’re simply products of grace.

I am NOT Perfect (and I know it, okay?)

29 Thursday Sep 2011

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Recently, I’ve been a bit–is annoyed the right word?

Maybe I’m confused, but I think people are confused too. One minute, there are those who say I’m evil (or some other synonym), and then we have the ones who think I should be canonized, or already have been.

I don’t do many of the things that a lot of people do, but it just means I am different. It doesn’t mean I’m perfect, righteous, or some other word for stuck-up Christian. All those things I don’t do, I can lay at the feet of personal preference or the sheer grace of God. For example, I don’t drink, because alcohol tastes nasty… don’t smoke, because breathing isn’t optional… don’t swap spit or other body fluids, because–have you seen me recently? No one is challenging that particular state of affairs, plus I have a complex about hygiene and sharing body fluids… I could keep going.

Long and short, I’m… tired of being seen as some sort of super ‘holy’ creature, because God factors highly in my thoughts. The alternative is to go full-on crazy. I don’t talk about God because I’m trying to make a point or preach to people, so I can check random evangelism moment off my checklist (the one I don’t have, by the way). I talk about God, because He is what makes sense to me… He is how I maintain this tenuous hold on my sanity… He is why I’m alive, rather than existing in my zombie zone.

I am not the standard… never have been… never wish to be. God is the only one worth comparing ourselves to, and He is willing to embrace and rescue us when we fall short. Remember that thing called the Gospel? Yeah, that’s the point…

Don’t look at me and think I’m better… or think I think I’m better. If I’m perfect in any way, it is this…

I am perfectly human… just like you.

I Used to be Christian…

22 Thursday Sep 2011

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No, there’s no word missing in the title…

Before I started this blog, I went back to my very first blog, which I started in 2004.  As I read those thoughts, I was shocked. I wrote that? Seriously?!?!? I mean, I was clearly a bit on the weird side, but there was such substance to my thoughts back then. If I didn’t know better, I’d say I even had a functioning heart.

I’ve never been perfect, and there was even a time in my life when I was a full-blown psycho, but I can honestly say I used to be Christian. Although modern usage essentially limits the word ‘Christian’ to a noun, it started out as an adjective. The word, by definition, is clearly descriptive, so even though it was a name (noun) back then as well, the usage suggests that ‘Christian’ was first an adjective (if only in the minds of those who coined the term), which became a noun when used collectively. Those early church dudes were so like Christ that they called them ‘Christians’. (I doubt it was a term of endearment, by the way).

There was no parting of the sky, no grand herald of the changes taking place in my heart, but somehow, it became easier to be cold… easier to not care… easier to use curse words in my head… easier to say yes to things that should be automatic NOs… easier to ignore that Voice extending an invitation to discover His heart, to grow in love, and to be loved by Love… easier to close my heart (dubious as its existence is) to the changes that years of devouring Scripture had wrought.

I’m too much a creature of habit to overtly deviate from a lifetime of teaching, but there’s a nice little phrase for that: going through the motions. See, in the same way there’s no wake-up-and-suddenly-you’re-in-love, there’s no wake-up-and-suddenly-you’re-far-from-God. Baby steps lead to giant leaps, and maybe it’s skipping devotions, or holding that little grudge, or listening to that one little song that you know is gonna leave your mind in a dangerous place… just flirting with danger, as if sin exists for any purpose but the destruction of the human soul. I don’t know what your story is, but this is mine. I used to be Christian… and God, in His nice gently-smack-you-upside-the-head way, is pulling me back towards Him.

The journey to God’s heart is never easy, but it is worth it. Jesus is the Way.

A me one a wicked? (Ehem, does anyone have a similar experience?)

Jeremiah 32…

37 Behold, I will gather them out of all countries where I have driven them in My anger, in My fury, and in great wrath; I will bring them back to this place, and I will cause them to dwell safely.

38 They shall be My people, and I will be their God; 39 then I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me forever, for the good of them and their children after them.

40 And I will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will not turn away from doing them good; but I will put My fear in their hearts so that they will not depart from Me. 41 Yes, I will rejoice over them to do them good, and I will assuredly plant them in this land, with all My heart and with all My soul.’

*SMILE*


Peeking out…

16 Friday Sep 2011

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I would never dare to say that I am anything even half as interesting as a mystery. What I am is… hidden. Well, hidden and hiding, really. There are days I wonder if I am even a person. No, no, I do not doubt that I exist. What I doubt is the substance of my existence. Outside of sucking up the allegedly-limited oxygen, what am I doing, really? I realized, in retrospect, that the past few years of my life have been roughly the same.

This year has been a bit different, though…

I realized something else, too. We may not have much choice in whether we age, but it is up to us whether we change. (Yes, I left room for the more cosmetically-skilled ones among us, who can render ourselves practically ageless… long live the botox? Kidding.)

A very wise person once said,

“To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth.” 

When I grow up…

Wanna guess who said it? Jesus, the Christ, the Son of the Living God (John 18:37). That said, He’s my Sanity.

Who/What am I hiding from? What am I hiding behind? I’ll tell you one day… maybe.

Are you hiding too?